Monday, March 21, 2011

Mr. Wind


"Mr. Wind is a mischief; Mr. Wind is an gnome. He blows my hat, he blows my coat 'til I wish he'd go ho-ome..."

Those are words from a song I learned growing up. Believe me, you would appreciate them more if you could hear me sing them (wink, wink). This morning I pulled out of my driveway at 4:40. Then I pulled out again at 5:40, and my papers still weren't delivered. But they WERE folded.

The wind is a menace, and I suspect that before the world was when we were all choosing sides, the wind chose the DARK SIDE. Sad, but true. I just google searched "purpose of the wind." The first official source explained what causes wind but failed to list any real purpose for it. I already know what CAUSES it... Satan! Below the seemingly official response, someone had listed the following possibilities:

1. It dissipates bad odors.

2. It takes odors of animals to the animals that need to feed on them, so they know where their prey is and can eat and survive.

3. It spreads seeds to propagate plants.

4. It soothes us and calms us when it's gentle.

5. It cools us when the sun is warm.

Good to know that it might actually have a Purpose (or five) besides just annoying a paper girl who is just minding her own business. I must, however, take issue with #4. If it soothes and calms, it is NOT wind. It is a breeze, and breezes fall in another classification entirely. Breezes can make 105 degree weather bearable. Wind does nothing of the sort.

This annoyance resulted in transforming what is normally about a 65-minute task into a 95-minute CHORE. Oh, bother. Mr. Wind IS a mischief. Of course, with Mr. Rain threatening to rendezvous with Mr. Wind, I also had to bag all the papers which contributed to my delay. Then, not surprisingly, Mr. Rain never showed up--can you blame him? Who wants to hang around an old blowhard anyway?

On the bright side (and there is always a bright side), the delay did score me a $20 tip. The generous woman who leaves $20 tips on her door has been sleeping in the past couple of months. (I know this because I see her at the gym and we talk.) This morning she was up by the time I came around, and taped to her door was an envelope complete with a "Thank You!" and a smiley face and a $20 bill.

Even Satan couldn't spoil my morning entirely.

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